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soulight-my story so far

soulight started this conversation

MY STORY(BLOG) IS NOW CONTINUED ON MY PROFILE SPACE , HERE :   

 http://app-sl-1.aidpage.com/about.htm     

This is my story from my home aidpage. I moved the homepage (this is the original homepage ) here so that I can concentrate on other subjects on my home page. You can find that here :       

soulight777.googlepages.com/soulightsoriginalsinglemomspage

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 With all the recent greediness on Aidpages , I have wondered if all my time put into trying to help fellow Aidmates has been worth it. I have been thinking about this a lot. I decided that if just one person is helped because of something that I put on Aidpages , it is worth it. All the people who are scamming and just out for a free ride of money will suffer in their own ways ,and I don't need to address their problems , but I am on here for those who are willing to go partway with me in solving their own problems . We all need support and encouragement. That is what I want to do - support and encourage people to grow towards the person God made them to be.  So , I carry on.

 soulight-1/26/2007

 

2/07/07

Just another update. My medicaid was just turned down again. I need therapy for my balance , my hip and shoulder , and occupational therapy. My doctor has re-written my functional capacity exam because I am getting worse. My rehab evaluation counselor doesn't think I have enough strength for a full time job , nor is my pain level low enough.

I have spent much time on these aidpages , but not full time. I rest alot in between . My illnesses are sometimes O.K. and sometimes I go into a major flare and everything falls apart. Right now ,I am typing with a major cramp in my left arm down to my hand , and I end up typing with one hand. I am getting weary of the fight , but not for long , God will see me through.

These pages have given me something to do that I have always wanted to do , and I don't even need a car , or money , or much energy to do them. Now why can't a real job be like that ? Of course , I couldn't just stop typing and take a nap whenever I wanted to with a 'real job.'   ; )Never give up.

soulight

 

 

04/12/07

I thought i might add another update, since it has been a while. My pain levels have increased greatly and i am not sure why . I have to wait to find out though , because i am having a hard time with insurance again.I have to re-apply for some of my assistance through the state , as my lawyer had  some major problems(death in family) , and we missed a deadline. I like this lawyer a lot , but this is another set back. i got a special voice activated computer program from my daughter ,and it is much easier than typing , as on my bad days , my arms and hands cramp up. Having all these things happen to me is a blessing. NO I AM NOT CRAZY ! ! ! it is just that i have always wanted to help other people ,and the more that i go through , the more i understand what others are going through , and i am greatful for that empathy.   Still , i really , really wish more people came to Aidpages to help others rather than to always want help , as i get weary of the "givemes". Is our country truly full of so many greedy , needy people ? I don't mean needy for money , but needy for a good spiritual , moral base.Anyway, i went to a rehab program ,and though i was not accepted because of my pain and physical problems , they said it will be hard to get social security because i am too intellegent. GO FIGURE , IF I HAD KNOWN THIS I COULD HAVE CHEATED ON MY TESTS BY MISSING ANSWERS  : ^ (-ADDENDUM , I WOULD HAVE NOT CHEATED ON THE TESTS . THIS IS A JOKE !

Anyway , i plug on and I DO NOT GIVE UP . We all need to keep up the good fight ,and run the race. In the end we will recieve the prize.

soulight

 

April 18 , 2007

Today I just need to vent a little. I do love helping people, but it would help if they help themselves a little. I spend hours finding information , and then people come on a page and ask for assistance with something that is already addressed on one of my Aidpages. It seems people don't even want to read the page for help ,they just want me to do ALL the work for them. I hope these people start helping themselves ,or they will be caught in the 'please help poor me' trap for the rest of their lives ,and it seems that this is a miserable way to live. I don't want to live that way.Maybe some people do.If that is the case , what a sad existance.

soulight

 

5/11/07

As of today , i will start helping people only through prayers and my Aidpages , at least for a while. It is so tiring to help so many who have an emergency or crisis. My own health challenges and life challenges need some attention , so i pray that people search for help for themselves , starting with my Aidpages as a jumping off place. I care about people and what happens to them , but i need to care about me and my daughter too.I still struggle with all the things listed below. I am blessed by help from family and church , but it still is quite a struggle and very energy zapping . My own health problems already include low energy challenges , so i am pulling back on some of my commitments in my life right now to save what energy i do have for the most important things.

I will still add things as i find them for assistance ,and i will still monitor my pages everyday , but i will not be helping people on an individual level . I hope people understand this. It would be so cool if some others stepped up and STARTED HELPING OTHERS AND REALLY MAKE AIDPAGE PEOPLE HELPING PEOPLE ! ! !   : )

soulight

 

5/25/07

So , I am feeling much better . My asthma was part of what was causing the fatigue. And , I will be having a sleep study , as I probably have apnea and stage 4 sleep problems related to the fibro. What fun. Still , my problems might be lessened if I slept better.

I hope to interact more with people on Aidpage , and I still hope and pray that there continue to be more people who HELP EACH OTHER OUT !!!  :<)

My review with my social worker is coming up in a couple weeks. Anybody who reads this and is a pray-er , lift me up ! Please !

soulight

 

6/07

Am now waiting for results from the sleep study. Sleep studies are interesting things ! They stick electrodes on you , tell you that you have to sleep at least 7 hours ,then tell you that the camera on the table is so that someone can watch you while you sleep ! It is a blessing that I slept at all. Two things though( i already knew) i snore A LOT , and i dream A LOT )

I think i slept , i hope i slept enough.

Still , GOD IS GOOD , ALL THE TIME. No matter what , He will see me through.

soulight

 

June 27,2007

Well , i have sleep apnea. Now that we know , we can do something about it and hopefully i will not be so fatigued all the time. It is a mild case ,though. I only stop breathing 5 times an hour.(!)

We had to put our beloved Ginger to sleep on Monday . She was a very special , loving  cat. We will miss her so much. Thank you God for giving us the gift of Ginger.

soulight

 

7-19-07

Insurance companies and the governments alternative are disgusting.

I need a second sleep study , because they need to fit the APAP (breathing machine) . They also think that I may have seizures while I sleep as the whole inside of my mouth is chewed up.

GUESS WHAT ?!

MY LOCAL COUNTY INSURANCE  COVERS THE FIRST SLEEP STUDY FOR THE DIAGNOSIS, BUT

THEY DO NOT COVER THE SECOND STUDY OR THE CPAP MACHINE TO TREAT THE DISORDER ! ! !  

    SO ,   

                    I can find out what is wrong with me , but they won't help to make me better ! ! ! 

Thank God they do pay for my meds , which are now up to about $2,000 a month.

It is amazing that those of us who are low income in this country are alive at all.

I credit my life to Jesus Christ . I would have been dead before I was 20 if it weren't for the Lord ,

and that is the most true thing that I have ever said.

soulight

 

 

12/04/07

I guess it is time to update my story . Especially with the news that I just got today !

It seems that between my last brain MRI and the one I had about 3 weeks ago , I had a stroke ! Wonderful news , not. If you are a praying person , please put me in your prayers as to what the medical team should do next to help this situation.

At least I know now why I have falls all the time.

I am not discouraged . GOD IS GOOD , ALL THE TIME . HE DOES NOT CHANGE ,AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT ! ! !

soulight

 

January 16 , 2008

Boy am I depressed . My hearing has finally come up next month and my lawyer has a great (not) attitude. She said the judge that I have is the worst one for my case. She tried to change the judge by saying that I can't travel so far to attend the meeting ( I will get way too fatigued) . They won't let us change anything , so guess what ? Now that she has said so much bad stuff about the judge , we are stuck with him. PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS ON FEBRUARY 11 . THIS IS SOOO IMPORTANT TO ME .

THANK YOU !

 

 

 

THIS IS MY STORY SO FAR :

 

My story actually goes farther back than the story listed below.Back to when  I left an abusive husband .

Then I  had to move from a big city that we lived in for 13 years because it is too expensive for a single mom with health problems.  We moved in with family in a small midwest town ,who, unfortunatley, were set in their ways and didn't want to bend for the younger people ,and kicked us out.(It was actually from religious differences. I am a Christian , they aren't) 

I finally found a job that included " health insurance" (that was a joke), and that had hours where i could goto work after school started  for my daughter,and be back home before school was over so that I could be there for my daughter ,and then  this happened :

 

 

2 years ago i fell at work. i worked for a major discount chain store , that sells at "roll-back" prices. i wont mention the name , but you probably know who i mean.

the first thing that happened after i fell , my manager said "you have the same injury on your hand that my mom had when she used to spank me"(weird i know) and "its the weekend when we have our best business" , and "your not really hurt that much" he refused to go along with my request to go to the hospital.  a week later , i asked another manager  to take me to a doctor . he did , i had a sprained neck, a sprained arm, a badly bruised hip and a problem with my balance and hearing.and i have been going to doctors , physical therapists ,occupational therapists ,and pain doctors ever since then. the company has put myself and my daughter and all my friends and family through living hell. the managers who messed up by not taking me to the doctor immeadiately were"transfered to a different store"

so... after over 2 years of fighting this company andtheir insurance i ended up with no workers comp., no disability and no job. i am permantly disabled , and fighting for social security . my lawyer ,( who has ms herself and is an amazing person and example for me), is a God send , and is fighting for me. , as are all my doctors and therapists.

But , in the meantime , i have 15 different medsthat cost over 1,500 dollars a month. i am currently being helped with those by our community health . but i was turned down for medicaid ,who was paying for the meds , and my lawyer is not sure when my appeal will come through , if it does ,andthe community health may run out. i am praying it doesnt. i am very thankful thati have it.

i have no money. no income at all. my family and church are helping at the moment , and i have applied to everything that i can think of , or have been refered to. i have(not all are as a result of the accident) : insulin dependent diabetes,fibromyalgia , arthritis of the spine, high blood pressure , asthma , sleep apnea , circadian rythm disorder ,a vestibular balance problem , a gait(walking ) problem, myofacial pain disease ,allergies to all sorts of stuff , IBS ,adrenal problems , female problems , chronic pain for which my doctor put me on morphine , and depression (i wonder why?)

my daughter(who also has diabetes)  is a wonderful help. she is smart enough to have gotten into college with scholarships and grants. she has had to stay home and go to the community college to help care for me. my muscles dont work well, and i cant lift anything over 1/2 pound without dropping it. my daughter is trying to get a job to help and has applied to over 37 places so far. she hasnt had any luck. she doesnt have any work experience because all she has done in her spare time is help me. my parents have been helping , but my father is in a wheelchair ,and my mom just had complete hip replacement , so they have thier own problems.they also said they canthelp much longer. my social worker said that i cant be helped until i am facing eviction , and then i will have to pay them back. FROM WHAT MONEY?

my lawyer said it will probably be 2 years before my sociail sec. appeal comes up.

in the meantime , i dont know how my daughter and i will live. so far , i have been blessed by family and friends, but i am so ashamed that i can do nothing to help the situation myself . i dont want pity , i just want a way to make it so that i am not such a burden on others.

(I HAVE BEEN READING SO MANY STORIES ABOUT PEOPLE ON THIS SITE ABOUT HOW THEY NEED HELP AND NO ONE IS HELPING. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I AM A BURDEN ANYMORE , JUST VERY THANKFUL. DONT LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR NEEDING HELP. )10-5-06

YOU ARE WORTH IT.  WE NEED MORE OF THE "UN-POOR" TO STOP BEING SO SELF-RIGHTEOUS AND WALK IN THE OTHER PERSONS' SHOES.-10-5-06

anyprayer or suggestions are gladly welcome please , if you have a story that is similar i would love to hear from you on how it turned out and if you have ANY SOURCES I CAN GO TO FOR HELP.(after all Aidpages are for People helping People !)

 

thank you

soulight
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My Just Stuff  that I like page can be found here:

soulight777.googlepages.com/stuffthatilikebysoulight

 

______________________________________________________________________________

MY PAGES FOR FREE HELP AND RESOURCES  THOSE OF US WHO ARE LOW INCOME OR HOMELESS OR DISABLED OR ??? NEED TO STICK TOGETHER . HERE ARE SOME OF MY CONTRIBUTIONS :

LIST OF AIDPAGES BY SOULIGHT

 

 

 

 

 

 

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soulight
 in response to busterljp...   

Thank you so much , butsterljp !

What a wonderful thing to say . You just made my day with your words. You know , for me , it truly a joy and my pleasure to do what I try to do on Aidpages. God has blessed me with one of the desires of my heart : to be able to help others like I would like to be helped !

soulight

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dawncoryed
in response to...

I have said a prayer for you for the 11th...I know how difficult the wait is...financially, and emotionally draining.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and pray that you come back with awesome news...good luck. 

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Anonymous40784

Lord,

(1) Please send the Holy Spirit to go and touch soulight tonight.  Please give her favor with the social security judge.  Make this judge to give soulight her benefits.  Make him sign the order.  Convict his heart. 

Please bless soulight with finances to pay all of her debts and expenses.  Bless her to have something left over.  Bless her in abundance. 

(2) Father, please touch soulight body.  Please remove all pain, stress, etc from her.  Heal her body, physically & mentally. 

Lord, be with this precious soul.  Reward her from every good deed she has done.  Give her favor with God and man.  Increase her in body health.  Uplift her spirit.  Amen.

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Builder1
in response to...

You'll be in my thoughts! Good luck!

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soulight

 PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS !

A request from me for February 11 .

I am asking for something personal today . On February 11 , I will have my disability hearing after 3 years of waiting . I am pretty depressed , as my lawyer said that the judge we will have is about the worst one possible for my case. Wonderful encouragement on her part !(not).

Still , prayer changes things , and I ask for all my fellow Aidmates who believe in the power of prayer to hold me up .

Thank you so much ,

soulight

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soulight

etheric plane , Thank you for offering the assistance . I think your offer is sincere and generous. Although you make some good points about the past being a huge part of who we are now , I don't totally agree with you on all points. Is it possible to subconciously slip on water that a person didn't see and slam down on a concrete floor ? Also , though I did state my ex was abusive , I didn't say anything about physical abuse. My ex was and is verbally abusive ,and yes , so is my father. I have gone to co-dependents anonymous and I understand the connection. However , I am not longer allowing ANYONE to be verbally abusive to me. I am a child of a more perfect Father ,and He loves me no matter what . He is the one I look to for my self worth , not any earthly sources. Yes , I agree that the past is part of who I am now , but you are assuming that it is a negative influence . I believe that experiences can be turned around for the good. Every incidence that has ever happened in my life has been turned around to become something even better . Not necessarily materially , but if you were able to look into the inside of who I am compared to who I was , you would see a change that can't compare to anything else in this world. It is my feeling that EVERYONE in the whole world is dysfunctional . This is a fallen world , and no one is perfect . Everyone has a skeleton or two in their closet. It is not the things that happen to us in life that change who we are . It is how we handle them that changes us. It is always a choice . So , thank you for the offer , but I have to decline. My inner healing has already happened . Holly

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soulight

Wow Two totally different postings . First , thank you so much for the nice note , Jellsee. I appreciate the prayers most of all . Finances are so much a part of life. We do need to live ,and you are right , having more money in some situations is exactly what I need. I also believe your prayers led you to this site , as did mine , and I will continue to pray that you recieve all the help you need and that you have the peace that passes all understanding. Thank you , Jellsee In HIS Grace , Holly

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ethericplane.com

Soulight, I think I see some insight to your problems. You sub-consciously injured yourself, to make up for the fact that your husband, wasn't beating you anymore. You most likley had an abusive family life. I myself am lucky to be alive, from my own family situation. Your solution, to all your problems, lies in going back to a traumatic event that took place, probaly when you were very young, from your family or someone associated with your family, who abused you either physically or mentally. You got traumatized by it, relived it through different stages of your life. When you got married, you got magnetaically attracted to an abusive man, because of it. If you can think of what the sitaution, is that happened to you, in your distant past, you can send me a private message, through the Aidmate and I'll bet I can solve your problem, that's been suppressed and buried, deep in your unconscious, by endless rage. Because I'll tell you and anybody else who might read this. If you can pinpoint, that exact traumatic event, that's in your past, that set you up to fail, time and time again and drain it of all neagtive emotion and hatred, that's been keeping you hypnotically programmed, to unconsciously re-live it over and over again, through different, but in reality, the same surface behaviours, you can solve all your problems. If you can find it and get rid of it, you'll also get rid of all your health, financial and personal relationship porblems, at the exact same moment. Because that one traumatic event in your past, is the entire root cause of all your problems, in every aspect of your life.

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Jellsee

Hi Soulmate, Wow, after reading your story, you are an amazing person yourself. You have endured so much and you are like me, you still try hard to find the sunshine in the day. God has blessed us with his love. Thank you for helping me with the websites you listed. I will definitely be checking into them. I am also trying to find grants that might help. I will be praying for you to find some financial help too. That is why I struggle to go to work everyday even though I am so damaged from all the chemo and the cancer itself. I know how long it takes to get on disability, and I don't know how I would live without any money. Let's face it, we do need money to pay for rent, food, utilities, etc. So I will continue to pray for an answer, and I will pray for you and for others that I have read on here. I believe my prayers led me to this site. At least now, I know i am not alone. God Bless, Jellsee

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soulight

Thank you MFEMF God Bless you too ! I hope you start getting better responses to your calls ! May you and your kids also have a Blessed Christmas ! soulight

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MFEMF

soulight,god bless you,i hope and prayer that things start to look up for you.as for me i have been on the phone for almost two weeks now calling agencys to see if they can help me in any way,i either do not hear back or they have no fundings..i can not give up,this is for my kids.i hope all have a blessed christmas...thaks mfemf

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